Charity ≠ Niceness
"For this I was born and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth.
Everyone who belongs to truth listens to my voice."
-John 18:37, Gospel reading from Solemnity of Christ the King
Similarly, "being a Christian" is not equivalent with "being nice."
Sometimes being a true Christian stands in stark opposition to what the world believes a Christian should be. It stands in stark opposition to "niceness." Yes, we should always strive to speak the truth in love. However we should not fear offending the world, but should fear, first and foremost, speaking against the Lord and His Church. (Ecclesiasticus 4:30, "In no wise speak against the truth, but be ashamed of the lie in thy ignorance." Ephesians 4:25, "Wherefore, putting away lying, speak.")
Sometimes the truth is not pleasant to hear, does not coincide with people's plans or sense of convenience, and causes disorder and angst. Certainly the death of the earliest martyrs of the Church caused great disorder on many levels within the young Church, but denying Our Lord and His teachings was not an option for them.
Our first obedience is always to the Lord. Speaking for the Truth when his Church is attacked is charity itself, whether that attack comes from within or without. We must not deny Him under any circumstances. In fact, Our Lord said in Matthew 10:33-35, that
he that shall deny me before men, I will also deny him before my Father who is in heaven. Do not think that I came to send peace upon earth: I came not to send peace, but the sword. For I came to set man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Holy Mother Church even gives us a way in which we may discern how we should act in the order of spiritual goods, necessities, and rules, which follow. Though kindness and niceness are, well, nice, notice neither word is specifically mentioned below. It is for the sake of Truth that we were born into the world: to know it, to testify to it, and to listen to Him who is Truth Itself.
- the most important spiritual goods appertaining to the salvation of the soul should first appeal to our solicitude; then
- the intrinsic and natural goods of the soul and body, like life, health, knowledge, liberty, etc.;
- finally, the extrinsic goods of reputation, wealth, etc.
Viewing apart the various kinds of necessity, the following order would obtain:
- first, extreme necessity, wherein a man is in danger of damnation, or of death, or of the loss of other goods of nearly equal importance and can do nothing to help himself;
- second, grave necessity, when one placed in similar danger can extricate himself only by heroic efforts;
- third, common necessity, such as affects ordinary sinners or beggarswho can help themselves without great difficulty.
When the three factors are combined, they give rise to complicated rules, the principal of which are these:
- The love of complacency and the love of benefaction do not follow the same standard, the former being guided by the worthiness, the latter by the nearness and need, of the neighbour.
- Our personal salvation is to be preferred to all else. We are never justified in committing the slightest sin for the love of any one or anything whatsoever, nor should we expose ourselves to spiritual danger except in such cases and with such precautions as would give us a moral right to, and guarantee of, God's protection.
- We are bound to succour our neighbour in extreme spiritual necessity even at the cost of our own life, an obligation which, however supposes the certainty of the neighbour's need and of the effectiveness of our service to him.
- Except in the very rare cases described above, we are not bound to risk life or limb for our neighbour, but only to undergo that amount of inconvenience which is justified by the neighbour's need and nearness. Casuists are not agreed as to the right to give one's life for another's life of equal importance.