Yes it's non-fiction, but it's still sort of entertaining.
So I come home from doing a little cleaning around the church to a bunch of messages on my answering machine. One of them is from a woman [whose name I will withhold] from the Diocese. She was apparently calling about my registration for an upcoming "Faith Formation" conference held in my old hometown church. The conference will be on a Thursday and Friday, all day long, from 9-3. The only reason I can go is because I work in the evening part-time. But I've had a bit of a hard time getting other people to go since, well, it's during two weekdays and most people work (or watch their children or whatever). I can't even go on Thursday because I have a homeschool coop that day, and as it is I'm giving up a day of homeschool over it. In any case, she promptly informs me that I
"really must fill out a form. Do you have a fax?"
"No, no I don't have a fax. I'm at home. But I already registered yesterday over the phone."
"Well, what ministries do you have at your parish?"
"What ministries?" [Back in the day, they were called "apostolates," but that was pre-modernist I guess.]
"You know, like religious ed-"
"Yeah, yeah, we've got religious ed, CCD, all that kinda stuff. Why?"
"Who is the head of your CCD program?"
"We have co-coordinators, F and M."
"Are they going?"
"No, to the best of my knowledge they can't. They have jobs. F's husband has a business. She works there 2 or 3 days a week and has another job the other days. M is a youngish guy and he also works during the day. Like I said, everybody who I talk to has a regular job so Thursday and Friday are pretty much out. If it was a weekend that might be a different story."
"Yes, well they really should go."
[I tell ya, it's like talking to a wall with some people.]
"What about your pastor, do you have a pastor?" [They have to ask that nowadays I guess since, after shipping off a few dozen priests, so many parishes don't even have pastors anymore.]
"Yeah we have a pastor. I spoke with him on the phone yesterday briefly before my younger son started chucking things across the room and I had to go. Haha."
[Silence.]
"Well is he going?"
"No, to the best of my knowledge he has no intention of going."
"What about your pastoral associate?" [I believe that was the term she used.]
"What?"
"Your pastoral associate. Do you have a pastoral associate?"
"I don't even know what that is. We have a pastor and he lives in a rectory with two other priests. That's what we have."
"Yes well someone from your parish really ought to go."
"Yeah, well I'm going."
"Yes, I know."
At this point the lady was really beginning to tick me off. I mean really. They schedule a conference, a two day conference, a two day ALL DAY conference on two weekdays, and it's not good enough that just one person from our tiny parish goes? Frankly I'm beginning to think they're just giving us a hard time. Shocking!
First of all, the fax machine. If you really want someone to go to a conference a phone call providing the appropriate information really ought to suffice. How much information does she need from me? The phone call lasted at least as long as jotting down as much info as she would've needed. And how robotic and impersonal to expect someone to have to fill out a form and then fax it in, anyway. For pete's sake.
Secondly, if you really want people to attend a conference (real people I mean), then you don't have it during a weekday. If you must have it during the week it should be in the evening. Otherwise it should be on a Saturday, when many people are off.
Lastly, what's with all the [perceived] hostility? Can't we just drop the corporate-speak and act like human beings? The problem so far as I can tell is that some of these people in the Diocese want to turn religion into a well-oiled corporate machine, with paid "ministers," slick "ministries," and conferences and meetings enough to drive a person up a wall. What's wrong with having a small parish where people give their whole hearts and selves, like each other, and love God? Why must we have programs, hirelings, and "associates"? I tell ya, all this corporate-speak just gets under my skin.
So I come home from doing a little cleaning around the church to a bunch of messages on my answering machine. One of them is from a woman [whose name I will withhold] from the Diocese. She was apparently calling about my registration for an upcoming "Faith Formation" conference held in my old hometown church. The conference will be on a Thursday and Friday, all day long, from 9-3. The only reason I can go is because I work in the evening part-time. But I've had a bit of a hard time getting other people to go since, well, it's during two weekdays and most people work (or watch their children or whatever). I can't even go on Thursday because I have a homeschool coop that day, and as it is I'm giving up a day of homeschool over it. In any case, she promptly informs me that I
"really must fill out a form. Do you have a fax?"
"No, no I don't have a fax. I'm at home. But I already registered yesterday over the phone."
"Well, what ministries do you have at your parish?"
"What ministries?" [Back in the day, they were called "apostolates," but that was pre-modernist I guess.]
"You know, like religious ed-"
"Yeah, yeah, we've got religious ed, CCD, all that kinda stuff. Why?"
"Who is the head of your CCD program?"
"We have co-coordinators, F and M."
"Are they going?"
"No, to the best of my knowledge they can't. They have jobs. F's husband has a business. She works there 2 or 3 days a week and has another job the other days. M is a youngish guy and he also works during the day. Like I said, everybody who I talk to has a regular job so Thursday and Friday are pretty much out. If it was a weekend that might be a different story."
"Yes, well they really should go."
[I tell ya, it's like talking to a wall with some people.]
"What about your pastor, do you have a pastor?" [They have to ask that nowadays I guess since, after shipping off a few dozen priests, so many parishes don't even have pastors anymore.]
"Yeah we have a pastor. I spoke with him on the phone yesterday briefly before my younger son started chucking things across the room and I had to go. Haha."
[Silence.]
"Well is he going?"
"No, to the best of my knowledge he has no intention of going."
"What about your pastoral associate?" [I believe that was the term she used.]
"What?"
"Your pastoral associate. Do you have a pastoral associate?"
"I don't even know what that is. We have a pastor and he lives in a rectory with two other priests. That's what we have."
"Yes well someone from your parish really ought to go."
"Yeah, well I'm going."
"Yes, I know."
At this point the lady was really beginning to tick me off. I mean really. They schedule a conference, a two day conference, a two day ALL DAY conference on two weekdays, and it's not good enough that just one person from our tiny parish goes? Frankly I'm beginning to think they're just giving us a hard time. Shocking!
First of all, the fax machine. If you really want someone to go to a conference a phone call providing the appropriate information really ought to suffice. How much information does she need from me? The phone call lasted at least as long as jotting down as much info as she would've needed. And how robotic and impersonal to expect someone to have to fill out a form and then fax it in, anyway. For pete's sake.
Secondly, if you really want people to attend a conference (real people I mean), then you don't have it during a weekday. If you must have it during the week it should be in the evening. Otherwise it should be on a Saturday, when many people are off.
Lastly, what's with all the [perceived] hostility? Can't we just drop the corporate-speak and act like human beings? The problem so far as I can tell is that some of these people in the Diocese want to turn religion into a well-oiled corporate machine, with paid "ministers," slick "ministries," and conferences and meetings enough to drive a person up a wall. What's wrong with having a small parish where people give their whole hearts and selves, like each other, and love God? Why must we have programs, hirelings, and "associates"? I tell ya, all this corporate-speak just gets under my skin.